Sometimes you need to ask yourself, how many chances can you really give a person?
One thing that you should understand is that in order to realise your own worth, you need to show others what you’re worthy of. Others only know what your value is through the way that you react when they treat you in a certain way.
If someone pushes you around and you let them, they’ll think that you don’t really value or respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself. The more chances that you give a person; the more they will take you for granted and the less that they will value you.
In order to maintain self-respect and self-satisfaction, it’s essential to have respect in the eyes of others. Of course others can’t respect you unless you respect yourself. But if, despite you having self-respect, others devalue you by taking you for granted, then naturally your self-worth will go down.
You’ll start to feel low.
You’ll feel like you’re not worthy of anyone or anything.
You’ll wonder whether the reason why people let you down is because you have no importance as a person. And that’s when you’ll start to question yourself and your place in other people’s lives.
No matter how much we say that in order for other people to love us we need to love ourselves, we need to acknowledge that we’re social animals and so really, it’s the other way around. According to psychological studies carried out on personality, nurture has a huge influence on the way our personality develops.
Our relationships with others determine the kind of people we become. Whether we’re confident, shy, aggressive or sensitive is owed to a huge extent to the way that others see us and the way we interact with them. Therefore, no matter how much a person thinks that the way other people treat them doesn’t make a difference to their own self-perspective, it really does.
The way others see us is the way we see ourselves.
The way those we love treat us is the way we subconsciously feel we ought to be treated. Therefore, the line between self-perspective and other-person perspective gets blurred and eventually, the two become so closely related that we need one in order to have another.
So back to my question of ‘how many chances can you really give a person?’
Well, if we think about what I said about the relation between self-perspective and other-person perspective – the more that someone lets you down the lower your sense of self-worth.
If you love someone, you’ll automatically give them the power to hurt you and that’s where it all goes fuzzy. The more chances you give a person says a lot about what you think of yourself. In giving them more and more chances, you’re giving them an idea that they can do whatever they want and get away with it.
And this suddenly changes their perspective of you.
They start to think you’re easy-going, a pushover, or maybe even worse – that you just don’t care.
They start to feel differently towards you.
Maybe they start to take you for granted because they feel that it’s easy to give you an apology and start over again, or maybe, they just start valuing you less because of the way you’re negatively portrayed through your forgiving nature.
What implications does this have for your own self-worth?
If someone who you love takes you for granted, constantly makes mistakes and doesn’t value you much, then of course you’ll feel like you don’t really have any worth.
You’ll start to think that they’re doing the right thing. You’ll start to feel as if they’re right in their place to take as many chances as they want because you’re not worthy of them. And all of these things reduce your own self-worth.
None of these things should happen to begin with.
If a person is constantly making mistakes and taking you for granted, then there’s something wrong with them, not you. And if they can’t live up to their promises, then they’re the ones who have failed you.
Your perspective of them should change. It shouldn’t be the other way around.
And if a person constantly misuses the chances that you give them then it’s time to move on. And if you leave, it’s their bad, not yours.
Don’t give someone so many chances that it starts messing with your self-perspective and self-worth. If a person constantly leaves you in a state of confusion, constant turmoil or makes you feel low and unworthy, then it’s time to give up on that person.
You’re not a quitter nor are you a failure in relationships. You’re just smart enough to know what and who you’re worth and mature enough to walk away from someone who doesn’t understand that, no matter how much it hurts.
You should never make yourself feel so low because of the way another person treats you. You need to understand that you’re worth much more than what that person has to offer. And one day or another, there will be someone who will appreciate what you have to bring to the table and will treat you right.
Wait for that person.
Don’t waste your energy on people who fail to understand that you are a trophy and nothing less.